The Weirdest Place on Earth

When I visited home during my Christmas break, I had the surreal pleasure of happening on a Junk shop that was, on first glance, completely empty. It was a surreal experience and one that I cannot quite describe. Keep reading for a long post of weird, weird, weird weirdness.

There was, naturally, wall to wall junk. But there was something odd about the place—quiet and abandoned, and full of one surreal object after another. It seemed like there wasn’t a soul around anywhere.

Things started out quaint, perhaps kooky.

Started to raise an eyebrow when I saw things like this. There’s no way that’s a stock photograph. Who sells a picture of somebody else’s kid?

This store quickly became a place of my most horrible nightmares.

A little bit of this might be considered “cute.” Walls and walls of them are bizarre and alarming.

Art direction by Buffalo Bill. “It puts the lotion on its skin…”

Stare upon the face of TRUE pedobear.

Um.

Right.

There were also rows of porcelain figurines across from the mugs, I think. No idea what all this was supposed to be.

“I want to hire a woman I can rape.” They didn’t have that cutesy cartoon mug, but this was close.

That says “Tomato Ketchup Mix.” That’s odd enough. Do you see what’s below it?

Yeah, those are rows of adult diapers. And right next to them?

Gravy and Hollandaise sauce mix.

Seriously, within one meter of each other.

The nostalgia of seeing Fla-Vor-Aid didn’t reassure me I wasn’t going to get murdered.

Rows and rows of empty glass soda bottles. There’s no Nuka-Cola.

Muppets glassware in the same aisle.

And then there was Christmas junk.

Stumped? It used to spell “NOEL.”

How many corpses were packed up in the back like this? NRFB.

Classic Pepsi logo on an ugly racing trucker hat.

This bust was one of my favorite things in here. But really, what?

Almost no rhyme or reason to any of this.

Like I said, no explanation can really describe this place. And I’ve seen loads and loads of junk shops.

And then we got to this back room. This store clearly used to be a grocery store. My heart sank when I saw this room that CLEARLY used to be a cooler and meat department.

How many hundreds of people have met their end at this horrible, rusty slicing equipment?

Shudder.

Is this even a piece of meat cutting equipment? I’m not sure.

Back to the junk. We’ll return to the “off limits” room later.

There’s no good reason for any of this stuff to be there.

Back at the horrible meat locker—some odds and ends. A Cash register…

A scale…

A coffee maker…

And “Fun Capital of the World.”

There might have been six of these grocery carts, all full of this garbage.

Pepsi bottles, full, sealed, and covered with dust.

Dusty piano, seemingly undisturbed until I opened it.

And as if things couldn’t get any more surreal… wait for it…

Yes, that’s right. A cat with one eye. Just hanging out. Being a cat. With ONE EYE.

One. Count ‘em. ONE! This cat was actually very sweet, but I wasn’t going to hang out for much longer after this point.

“Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.”

And for some reason, this sports car (a Mustang?) was inexplicably parked outside. Every bit of this is incredibly incongruous.

Well, I bested the somewhat adorable cyclops and escaped with my life. I seriously hope these people don’t track me down and murder my entire family, because I have been having nightmares of that very thing happening.

I feel very lucky I didn’t end up in the meat locker chopped up into bacon strips.

There was a fun element to this trip. It was sort of like entering a huge area in Fallout 3 or something—some bombed out and dead place that tells a story of people that (hopefully) aren’t around anymore. Everything there—all that junk—told some sort of story. I’m just not quite sure what that story was.

But, I digress. If I ever disappear, please come to this place and rescue me.